No, this is not the story about the times that I got "unexpected" Christmas presents. Those are stories for a different post.
This post has "mother-in-law" in the title, because the gifter, Rick's mom Alice, is now my MIL. She actually gave me this gift about two years ago. Long before Rick and I were engaged. I would like to thank her for this story. Thanks, Alice!
Oops, I need to start from the beginning. Here we go:
Rick loves to fly his mother out here to Seattle to visit with us and with my (conservative-ish) family. We love us some Alice, because she is generally a hoot.
Alice pulled me aside one day during her Summer 2008 visit. She was really excited that we had a moment alone (my mom had left the room to answer the phone), and waved me over to her purse.
"I have something for you, Beth. I got it at one of those parties that my friend had where you buy stuff for the bedroom."
Hooooooooh boy. Not a good setup.
This is what she pulled out of her purse:
"It's a lipgloss! You just put this on your lips before you get in bed with Rick, and watch out!!"
I. DIE.
Alice spent the rest of her trip telling me to not forget to, "Put on that lipgloss," followed by a naughty *wink.*
In case you don't catch the meaning of this gift, allow me to show you the directions on the back:
The back spells it out for you:
"Basic Instinct combines PHEREMONES (nature's s*x attractant) with a rich blend of fragrant essential oils, to enhance romantic encounters and increase se*ual desire."
I'm afraid I never got to realize the full potential of Basic Instinct - not that I needed to, in Rick's defense. But I never got to realize the potential of this wonderful product because I couldn't bear putting it on my lips. I'm all about romance and fragrance, but I strongly suspect the "essential oil" they used in Basic Instinct was motor oil.
Have you ever gotten an embarrassing gift? Share please. If you do share, keep it clean - I don't want any smutty comments.
I have my mom's story covered:
One time my great-aunt forgot to tell my mother to open her present WITHOUT her four children present. It was a lovely negligee. ;-)
You're welcome, Mom.
Love, B
Boo, my whole comment was erased when you moved it. :(
ReplyDeleteRe-post it! It was funny!
ReplyDeleteHa ha...that is definitely an awkward gift, but funny at the same time. Maybe almost a bonding moment? He he.
ReplyDeleteMaybe to men...motor oil is a turn on. I know a few guys who might like that. Did you try it? Want me to try it for you? ;) Not with your Husband obviously...with mine silly.
ReplyDeleteHaha I love this story! I remember right after you telling me about it, I was at the coffee shop with some creepy guy trying to get my attention. Remember your response? "Boo. You need Sex Repellent. I'll ask Alice if she has any." I kept that text for over a year.
ReplyDeletemoox
Nikki - lol, sorry, but I think I threw it out. Apartment downsizing, you know.
ReplyDeleteZsuzsi - Ha! I remember that. Alice didn't have any.
Mandy - Definitely not a bonding moment.
Sex attractant lip gloss! This is hilarious! :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you're well on your way to recovery.
Sending you lots of good vibes from India! :)
Thanks so much!
ReplyDeleteI am recovering very well, thanks for your great India-Vibes. I feel them working! ;-)